Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash
We've all felt it before. When a conversation feeds upon itself, increasing in energy. When the discussion flows without effort. With cross-pollination, ideas evolve mid-sentence. Every participant practically finishing each other's sentences.
And we've all experienced the opposite. Everyone talking over each other. No one listening. Each person only waiting for their turn to speak. One-upmanship leads the conversation.
Every time we interact with someone, we leave either energized or sapped. We leave having learned something or lost something. It was either time well spent, or time wasted.
I've found my goals for every interaction affect whether an interaction results in being energized, having learned something new, and feeling it was time well spent.
These are goals. I am far from perfect in these, but I have found these foci for every interaction are profound in their impact on the quality of each connection.
- Regardless of who I am talking to, I recognize they know something I don't. My goal is to find that out.
- I look for a real connection with whom I am interacting. Talking with them, not through them.
- Working on consistent eye contact, with open, inviting body language.
- Actively listening to understand. And thereafter, instead of endeavoring to be understood, work to add to what was said. "Yes, and.."
How is the above being Honor-based?
1. Keyword - regardless. Everyone knows something you don't. We are no respecters of persons.
I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas. - Jack Handy
2. Real connection requires vulnerability. Honoring ourselves and others, warts and all. Recognizing ourselves as flawed individuals, and celebrating the opportunity to grow together.
3. Recognizing our ignorance, but not feeling a victim of it. Being willing to share our blind spots with others. It is ok to say, "I didn't know that. Please tell me more!"
I found when people get that I am really trying to connect, understand, and learn, the conversation goes deeper, and we both leave the interaction energized, having learned something, and feeling it was time well spent.
Life gets better with every interaction. So more interaction and deeper connections become a goal unto itself.
You will find some people are more willing than others to be vulnerable, and those people become close partners in living "a life well spent". A life that is full of positive energy, learning, growth, and a demonstrable positive impact on the world. Cherish those who challenge you with honest intent. Those that are willing to give everything, and expect the same in return.
These are the Honor-based. Time spent with the Honor-based is invariably time well spent.
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